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Anxiety and Depression, Study Abroad

I know it has taken me a long time to write another post. The truth is I felt like giving up on this. I could not find any words to share because I had lost hope and inspiration. I found myself disinterested in many other daily activities. I would just stay home and feel sorry for myself. I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what. I was too scared to face it and I did not want to face it. Relationships I had were just things in the past. It was hard to keep friendships because I did not want to talk to anyone and I knew they would not understand. I felt alone even though I was not.

I needed to wake up and take my life back, but I just did not know how. I would not say I have my life back but I am trying to wake up as best as I can. I knew if I did not do anything the most important relationships I still had would truly suffer.

I would no longer sleep well during the night, I was waking up several times. I would wake up early no longer able to sleep in. Anxiety about going to class, running into people, etc. Lack of interest in everything. Did not want to watch anything, read anything, write anything, did not want to work, go to school, and did not want to be outside. There were moments where I was really happy then I would get extremely mad or irritated. Constantly going through thoughts in my head which drove me crazy. This is just a slight picture of what I was going through.

It was really hard when I went to study abroad in London. It was my dream to go there for as long as I could remember. As soon as I got there it was extremely hard and I knew it was for everyone, but I knew myself and how it was probably going to go. I tried my best to talk to the other people there even though they thought I was just quiet. The thing is I wanted to talk, I wanted to be best friends with everyone there, and I just stopped myself because of myself. I wish that those friendships lasted because we all had a great time together when we were out. There were many times I was so happy to be there and to be there with great people. But after classes stopped I isolated myself and I don’t know what the others thought when I was just in my room. I was not trying to be rude, I just made myself more depressed than I already was. I wish I would’ve gone out and asked everyone what they were doing so I would be included, but I just sat there. I wish they would’ve said something to me too, but it was me dealing with me. I miss London now, I wish I could do it all over again, but I did learn a lot. I needed to wake up. To all my flat mates I love you girlies, you hold a special place in my heart and memories. We experienced a lot together. Thank you for making my birthday as special as it could be when I was sick and so far from home. I will never forget you guys.

The first step was going to see someone and admitting I had a serious problem. I was extremely nervous going into that first therapy session. I had become very closed off and it was difficult to talk about myself. But it was freeing to talk to someone who did not know me and did not judge me. In the end I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It did not come as a shock to me. I had dealt with anxiety before. I thought I had a handle on it but I guess I was wrong.

So I am in therapy, I try to go to the gym as much as I can, I try to eat better and be better. Living with these diseases is a struggle, but God gave me this challenge for a reason. I am going to live as best as I can and get the life I always wanted back. I hope you will continue on this journey with me. I am sorry to the people who think I forgot them. I love you all!

With all my love,

Meghann

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Self Worth

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. It is early morning here and of course I am feeling inspired. Recently, I have been in a really great state of mind. I got rid of negativity and put positivity out into the world and back into my life. Of course this positivity led to a new spark in my life. It is pretty crazy how the world puts things together.

I titled this post about self worth because some people are put into your life to make you think in ways you never thought you would. They make you see yourself differently or possibly make you see the beauty of YOU! They also make you see that how you have been treated makes you who you are today and you should not be ashamed of that.

Of course no one needs to show you how worthy you are of the world and how worthy you are of you, but sometimes it is nice to have someone open the door. No, I do not mean someone to literally open the door, I am speaking metaphorically. (Just in case you did not know). I mean if you like having someone open the door for you, do you boo haha

Everyone who knows me knows I love makeup. I have an addiction. I work at a makeup store, which equals my paycheck going to makeup. I mean I am doing research for my customers right? Maybe it just sounds better when I put it like that. I am bringing up makeup because a beauty vlogger who I love on YouTube (KathleenLights) brought up self worth on her snapchat story yesterday, and let me tell you I had a revelation. Boys should never define your worth, it is that simple. Kathleen talked about how (in high school) she used to think boys were so complicated and of course guys think girls are complicated. This is a common belief, not just in high school. But she came to the realization that it is not true, at first I questioned her. I continued to listen and it made complete sense. If someone truly likes you, or if you like someone, things are never complicated or confusing. Someone will go the extra mile for you! I promise you. Just give it all time, waiting is key.

It is funny how some of define our worth based on men. I am currently in a class that is about feminist theories and it is so interesting. There’s a few guys in that class which really make it quite intriguing.

Self worth is something I believe is not something just women struggle with. As a society we all base our worth for someone based on weight, looks, how much money we make, etc. It is ridiculous. None of those things define who you are and they should not. If someone judges you based on those characteristics they have something they are battling with within themselves. If that makes sense. Obviously, you just need to look out for those people and stay away.

Something I struggle with everyday is body confidence, it is just something anyone can struggle with. When you have been bullied by boys in your youth for how you look, it really screws with your mind. Up until I started dating, I never understood how someone could love me, or accept me for who I am. But what I did not realize was the fact that I had never been myself around people. I was hiding so I could not get hurt over and over. I still struggle with being myself but it is okay. I have been more myself recently than I have in years. I don’t know if it’s from doing some early “spring cleaning” in my life or if it’s due to that spark I was talking about. Just stop over analyzing certain situations in your life, it eliminates confusion and negativity. Of course, I struggle to take my own advice at times, but that’s life right? Someone who sees you will not judge your appearance, only the appearance of what is on the inside. Let me tell you this is true. I know it is.

All of the guys that have come and gone in your life served a purpose. It leads you to finally see how worthy you are of so much happiness, joy, and love. I don’t necessarily mean to have those things come from someone else, they can come from yourself. You have to love yourself.

I think that I could go on and on about this topic, but I don’t want to keep you all reading forever. I guess I sort of talked about self worth and accepting positivity and love into your life. I thought it was something great to touch upon because Valentine’s Day is approaching. I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine’s Day loving yourself, family, or your significant other. We all deserve to have a lovely day.

I will catch up with you all again soon!

XOXO

~NewBeautyGuru~

 

Bad Friendships

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of “Friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are always there”. But what happens when the star that symbolizes a friendship fades away?

Before I get going with the purpose of this post, I just wanted to ask you all how you are doing? I hope you are having an absolutely lovely day. I on the other hand have freezing rain outside my window, well not just my window, but let’s just say it’s gloomy and I want to go take a nap. That is actually a pretty good idea, I think I am going to take a nap after I write this, is that okay with you all? Haha  I can only ever take naps when it is cold and gloomy out, I do not know what it is, but I know I am probably not the only one who feels this way.

When a friendship starts loosing its spark, it is hard to accept. One person (in the friendship) may notice slight differences in how you both communicate, or the lack of effort one or both of you have in keeping the friendship intact. I wanted to bring this subject up because I have had to make a decision to keep certain people out of my life recently; whom I once thought brought me so much joy and happiness into my life. But I took a step back and saw the kind of person I was becoming. I did not recognize myself anymore. I was letting someone take advantage of me and I hardly realized it. I was letting the people who I was surrounded by influence my morals and what I really valued in life. This was TOXIC!

I do not know if any of you know that I am Christian. Now I know there has been a lot of negativity in the media highlighting some “Christians” and what they have been doing and what they believe. But first and foremost I do not want to force a relationship with God down your throat. Yes I will always speak about the good he has done in my life, but it is within reason. And that does not make me any less Christian for not going and preaching to people all the time. I get the feeling that Christian people have a bad reputation, but let me just say, NO ONE is the SAME. I treat everyone equally and a lot of Christians do, it is just the so called “bad one’s” we hear about. I bring this up because I had friends who did not respect the choices I was making because I want to be the best person I can be in the eyes of my God. It was hurting me because I had respected the questionable choices they had made, but when it was time for them to show the same respect, I got bashed and made fun of. What kind of friends are those, if you could even call them that? The point that I am trying to make is that do not keep people in your life that don’t respect your values. It is that simple, you do not need that in your life.

Sure the friendships I had did have their sparkle at most times, but when it goes out, it is out for good. What I mean by that is there were great memories that we made and they will never be forgotten. I do not wish my worst thoughts on them because what is the use? Sometimes people grow apart and you just can’t do anything to fix it.

I truly felt alone in these friendships a lot recently and up to the ending of the friendship. There were people who sort of came in and replaced me which is okay now since the friendship is gone. I am all for having a lot of friends, but how many can you say are your best friends? I hope my ex best friend realizes that I do not wish the worst thoughts on her, we had great times, and that our friendship was something really special. We both made mistakes, some more than others, but it is in the past. I hope you are able to live out your dreams, and live it out with people who are better suited for who you are, and where you are going.

I want you ALL to look into your life and make sure you have people in your life who make you better, lift you up, support you in school, and are overall the light to your smiles. As cheesy as it sounds your friends should light you up like the stars you are.

I am sorry that I have not been writing much, I have switched jobs, and university is crazy. I love you ALL, and I will see you when I see you

Stay beautiful!

XOXO NewBeautyGuru

Late Night Nonsense~The Start of Something New!

So I’m laying in bed with nothing to do on a wednesday night, which is now an early thursday and I have this sudden urge to write. But I want to start this new addition to my blog called, “Late Night Nonsense.” Every thursday or friday night, I want to designate a time where I can talk to you guys, who are still out there, about anything and everything. The nights might vary due to my work schedule, but it’s summer and I am going to make some time.

My school year has been quite crazy and it was hard keeping a balance between work, schoolwork, and my social life. I’m not gonna lie, my social life came first most of the time, but I really need to change that for next semester. I haven’t been living up to my full potential lately, is anyone with me? My mind has been all over the place lately and I just can’t seem to figure out what my calling in life is. I really am questioning everything I’m doing. I am hating all of my English classes I’ve been taking and I sadly came to terms with the fact that I am not meant to be an English major anymore. Now I have this urge to want to work for the CIA. I know right! NewBeautyGuru meets agent! Haha no, but I want to try and pursue international relations/political science. I took a political science class my first semester and strangely liked it. I’m not so into politics and maybe it was the teacher who made the class enjoyable, but why not give it a shot? I am in college, a time when I am supposed to be free to experiment. I just hate going to my advisor and telling him all of these changes I want to make because I change my mind so often.

Last night I was talking with my mother and I had gotten a text from one of my friends who needed advice. My mom quickly told me that my true calling is counseling. At first I laughed, but then I realized I am pretty great at giving advice even if the other person does not want to hear it at the time. And then I realized again that I hate psychology with a passion, and I need to stop dating psych majors. Seriously! Every guy I have been on a date with has been a psych major, do I have a sign on my back saying “All psychology majors come date me!?” I don’t think so, and it has not been working for me either. At this point, I am done with guys and need to focus on bettering myself. Guys will always be around weither we want them around or not.

Why is figuring out one’s path so difficult? I wish there was a book that outlined everyone’s futures to give us all some relief from stressing out over everything. At this point in my life I am unsure of every little thing, which bothers me so much. I have always been so sure of myself and it’s all been blown to pieces. At least I know I am not the only one who feels this way and I just have to have faith that it will all work out. God has a plan, I have to sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

What else do I do when I am just laying in bed? It’s only fitting that I am listening to some get up and dance in your underwear kind of music! I’ll link my favorite songs, that may or may not get me out of my bed and make me dance shamefully to it in my pj’s below. But you guys didn’t need to know all of that, I’ll just give you the music.

You are going to want to listen to all of those songs, my favorites are 1,3, and 4.

Goodnight Loves!

~NewBeautyGuru  xoxo

That’s So 2014!

It’s hard to believe that 2014 is over and 2015 is ready for some great, new, and exciting memories. 2014 was a particularly hard year to get over because so many great things happened in my life. I graduated high school, started college, and made such great and new friends who I know are my soul sisters. I’m currently watching Sex and the City, and I honestly can see that great friendship with all of my girls. You know who you all are! I can’t help but wonder if 2015 is going to be as amazing as 2014, but I’m not going to dwell on the past. I’m going to make 2015 as great as it can be, who’s with me!?

Lately, I have not had an inspiring things to write about because I really needed to evaluate if I wanted to pursue writing still. I was at a point where I wanted to just give up, but writing has always been my second love. I could not see my life without pursuing my dream and if it does not work out, I’ll be happy that I even tried. But, I am getting way too far ahead in planning out my life. I guess it’s the woman in me. Why is it that women always have to be such planners? But then again, if women were not planners, what would the world look like? I do not even want to visualize it lol.

I hate that I hardy even update this blog anymore, I know I let a lot of people down, and I honestly do not like to make excuses. I am currently writing this on my vacation because my readers, you, deserve it. I honestly am so grateful that people even read my blog. I never could have imagined that I would have more than a couple readers, which would probably be my friends, in which I would force them to read it haha. But I wouldn’t be NewBeautyGuru if I did not leave you guessing where I went lol. I also think it is good to get out and enjoy life and not be stuck looking at a computer screen for long periods of time. I have been trying to disconnect with the digital world for a little bit and it is nice for a while. But of course I will never fully disconnect. I mean, who could?

So enough with the updates and on to what I think I do best haha. The Golden Globes were on this past Sunday and I was totally checking out everyone from head to toe. I mean the Golden Globes are honestly best when it is just about the fashion, let’s be real lol. So let’s take a look at my top 3 favorite fashions of the night!

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Gina Rodriguez. I am so proud of this girl right here. She is the star of one of my favorite TheCW shows, Jane The Virgin, and she won a Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series. Most people do not get it right on the red carpet, but I just love this simple black look. I would gravitate for something like this myself.

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Does Emma Stone get it wrong ever? Some might say this is too simple of a look, but it is still so elegant and beautiful. I would wear this in a heartbeat. Why should women never be comfortable on the red carpet? This is just amaze-ball-azing!!

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Kate Hudson honestly just takes my breath away. I mean how hot, sleek, elegant, and confident does she look? Just perfection!

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Now Melissa McCarthy does not make my best dressed list, but I just need to really congratulate her! I mean I am so proud of her amazing weight loss! I would love her funny self either way, but how much more confident does she look in herself? For me, as long as you love yourself, there’s no one who will ever bring you down because you are freakin’ awesome. One can change the outside appearance as much as they want, but what makes you, you, will never change. We love you Melissa! What an inspiration.

I’m ready to make 2015 another year to remember. Here’s to taking chances, falling in love, surrounding ourselves with amazing people, and maybe hitting the gym! (If you’re into that of course haha). But let it be known, I love you and everyone just the way they are. I hope I did not offend anyone at all in this post. So let’s raise a glass to 2015 and make 2014 jealous! Soon we’ll be saying “That was so 2014!”

Kisses,

NewBeautyGuru

                      xoxo

NYFW Diane von Fürstenburg (Recap)

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Formerly Princess Diane of Fürstenburg, the Belgian born designer is known for the iconic wrap dress. For me, she is known for having some seriously killer style! Her Spring 2015 collection is inspired by the 1950’s French Rivera, which is represented as cheerful and yet simple. I never really enjoy much of runway fashion because it is not practical to wear for the everyday woman, and let’s face it, there are some pretty crazy pieces of clothes out there. (Don’t forget to check out her new show on E! ) I always try to break the looks down and see if  part of the outfit would work in an everyday look. So I will attach the pieces of clothing that seems most practical. So keep an open mind and let your creativity flow. Enjoy!

Au Revoir,

NewBeautyGuru

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80’s Throwback

If anyone knows me they know I love the 80’s. (Well almost everyone knows). This post was supposed to be published a while ago, but of course it did not happen. Sorry! I wanted to do this post because I was watching a movie called Just One of the Guys, and I had my next inspiration. I mean, what’s not to love about the 80’s?

If you did not already know 80’s fashion has made quite a comeback in today’s fashion. When someone walks down the street you can pinpoint it. Is it safe to say the 80’s are back? Not quite. It will probably never be the 80’s again, but we can try to make it even better. Enough of this chit chat, let’s move on to the fashion.

 

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Can you smell the 80’s yet? The jean jacket with the studs is 80’s enough, but it does not stop there. Leather shorts and a cool t-shirt…Just take me back already. With fall coming up this could also be a good transition piece. Swap out the leather shorts for leather pants.

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I am sure we all have seen this during the summer. Did you think it was 80’s fashion? Well, it was. High waisted jean shorts were definitely in this summer, and with a simple unused shirt to tie around as a belt, you were tapping into your inner 80’s.

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This is one of my favorite looks, and Cher Lloyd pulls it off with so much edge and grace. I love her little British self! If you did not see the 80’s in her hair, earrings, jacket, shirt, necklace, pants, and bandana, you are blind. Point. Blank. Period. This is also another piece that can transition into the fall, just add more layers as needed. Any of these looks could be easily transitioned into the fall.

 

Anyone miss Saved By the Bell? I know it isn’t really considered 80’s but I miss it.

 

 

Who wants to know what I’ve been listening to?

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDdjwpPM3Y

Kissed By Summer

It’s that time of year again…Summer! My summer will be filled with college courses and studying! (Oh what fun that will be!) What a little overachiever I am! Thank gosh it is only two courses, English and Anthropology. But I will be at the University of Connecticut which should be so much fun, I cannot believe I am in college now. Do you know that feeling when you wait for something to happen for so long, and expect it to be so magical and life-changing? Well, that is not quite what I felt or still feel, this whole thing probably has not sunk in yet. Oh well, enough of me and on to the more important things in life. I mean fashion is more important than college of course, right? No? Oh yeah, maybe not but it is pretty close. Also what is important is the campus hotties! College boys… (This is where I start to daydream).

You’re still there right? I got a little distracted. This summer is going to be filled with many floral prints and bright colors. It’s what I absolutely love about the summer. It should also be filled with great music and friends, I’ll be sharing my summer playlist. I feel like I have not been posting any music lately which is such a shame. So you will get your yummy fix of music for the summer. Wonder why I said yummy? I have been saying it randomly lately, so I am just going to go with it. I have some great outfits picked out for anyone’s style, so check them out below!

 

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This outfit now reminds me of something Perrie Edwards from Little Mix would wear. With floral’s being a main focus for Summer 2014, this piece is simple enough that it is not floral roadkill. Have you ever seen those horrible floral prints that remind you of grandma’s furniture? This is something we all could handle.

 

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California Dreamin’ street chic. This outfit can be put together in just a few minutes. The fringe on the shorts is so cute and gives it that rocker feel. This is an outfit not to be overlooked for the summer, try it out! (Maybe don’t go too short on the shorts though!)

 

 

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Do I hear the lure of Coachella? Maybe it’s just me. Coachella fashon is sometimes overdone, but this is a look that you can use to build from. Take your favorite band’s t-shirt and some rugged jean shorts, and maybe add a fringe purse, and for a layered look add some bangles on your wrists. There. Plain and simple. You are now ready for Coachella. Well maybe next year!

 

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The American Classic, denim. This could definitely be a look for a night out on the town with the girls! An over-sized denim top will make you feel comfy but cool temperature wise. Then as shown in the picture tuck it in to show off the rest of your outfit and add the boho chic-ness to it. All you need is a terrace in NYC and a glass of wine in hand. (If you are legally old enough to do so).

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The preppy-hipster look. Simple dresses like these show your sophistication with style and personality. You can not go wrong with these simple line prints. My personal fav is the one in the middle!

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Floral.Floral.Floral. Try these two interchangeable looks, there is just enough floral print so grandma’s furniture does not come to mind. This pic reminds me of Kendall and Kiley Jenner. Right?

 

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If it is anything I love about summer it’s the getaways. This dress takes you to a beautiful sunset in Aruba or the Bahamas. Wearing long dresses in the summer is a must on my list. They are just so comfortable and make you look glam instantaneously. I just want to escape in the wonders of this beautiful dress.

Music Playlist

“Runaway” Ed Sheeran

“Rude” MAGIC!

“Am I Wrong” Nico & Vinz

“Live it Up”, “Try” Colbie Caillat

“Classic” MKTO

“Fancy” Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX

“What I Like About You” 5 Seconds of Summer

“Girls”, “She Way Out” The 1975

Alexander Wang

 Blogger: NanysKlozet

It seems as though celebrities are always on point with the latest fashion trends. But I’ll let you in on a little secret…the public is in on it too! Some fashionista’s may not be able to afford the designer labels, but heck, I think the knock off’s are always a little better. You don’t need to be rich to have the “rich look”.

In the first photo above, Alexander Wang’s shirt costs a whopping $995, I do not know about you but I am not willing to pay that much for a shirt that will probably be hard to clean and maintain, as it is white. If you have the means to do so, go for it!

This shirt is the perfect pairing for any casual look, while being hipster, with a hint of class. Bloggers, including myself, love this outfit. This is pictured perfectly by NanysKlozet because it is the perfect way to show off our style, while not overdoing it and overwhelming a bunch of people. I also believe that the shirt in the picture is not by Alexander Wang, but I am not sure. Although you can’t really tell a difference. Maybe that’s why it is hard to figure out! lol.

Another trend that I have seen with most celebrities is the #allwhite look. Most notably on Khloe Kardashian, in the same Alexander Wang shirt. All white adds an overall freshness to your outfit, and raises the bar for an understated elegant look. I encourage you to try out this outfit and let me know what you think. Remember it’s not about how much money you have, but the style that can come with it! Fake it until you make it!!

Kisses,

NewBeautyGuru