Anxiety and Depression, Study Abroad

I know it has taken me a long time to write another post. The truth is I felt like giving up on this. I could not find any words to share because I had lost hope and inspiration. I found myself disinterested in many other daily activities. I would just stay home and feel sorry for myself. I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what. I was too scared to face it and I did not want to face it. Relationships I had were just things in the past. It was hard to keep friendships because I did not want to talk to anyone and I knew they would not understand. I felt alone even though I was not.

I needed to wake up and take my life back, but I just did not know how. I would not say I have my life back but I am trying to wake up as best as I can. I knew if I did not do anything the most important relationships I still had would truly suffer.

I would no longer sleep well during the night, I was waking up several times. I would wake up early no longer able to sleep in. Anxiety about going to class, running into people, etc. Lack of interest in everything. Did not want to watch anything, read anything, write anything, did not want to work, go to school, and did not want to be outside. There were moments where I was really happy then I would get extremely mad or irritated. Constantly going through thoughts in my head which drove me crazy. This is just a slight picture of what I was going through.

It was really hard when I went to study abroad in London. It was my dream to go there for as long as I could remember. As soon as I got there it was extremely hard and I knew it was for everyone, but I knew myself and how it was probably going to go. I tried my best to talk to the other people there even though they thought I was just quiet. The thing is I wanted to talk, I wanted to be best friends with everyone there, and I just stopped myself because of myself. I wish that those friendships lasted because we all had a great time together when we were out. There were many times I was so happy to be there and to be there with great people. But after classes stopped I isolated myself and I don’t know what the others thought when I was just in my room. I was not trying to be rude, I just made myself more depressed than I already was. I wish I would’ve gone out and asked everyone what they were doing so I would be included, but I just sat there. I wish they would’ve said something to me too, but it was me dealing with me. I miss London now, I wish I could do it all over again, but I did learn a lot. I needed to wake up. To all my flat mates I love you girlies, you hold a special place in my heart and memories. We experienced a lot together. Thank you for making my birthday as special as it could be when I was sick and so far from home. I will never forget you guys.

The first step was going to see someone and admitting I had a serious problem. I was extremely nervous going into that first therapy session. I had become very closed off and it was difficult to talk about myself. But it was freeing to talk to someone who did not know me and did not judge me. In the end I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It did not come as a shock to me. I had dealt with anxiety before. I thought I had a handle on it but I guess I was wrong.

So I am in therapy, I try to go to the gym as much as I can, I try to eat better and be better. Living with these diseases is a struggle, but God gave me this challenge for a reason. I am going to live as best as I can and get the life I always wanted back. I hope you will continue on this journey with me. I am sorry to the people who think I forgot them. I love you all!

With all my love,

Meghann

Self Worth

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. It is early morning here and of course I am feeling inspired. Recently, I have been in a really great state of mind. I got rid of negativity and put positivity out into the world and back into my life. Of course this positivity led to a new spark in my life. It is pretty crazy how the world puts things together.

I titled this post about self worth because some people are put into your life to make you think in ways you never thought you would. They make you see yourself differently or possibly make you see the beauty of YOU! They also make you see that how you have been treated makes you who you are today and you should not be ashamed of that.

Of course no one needs to show you how worthy you are of the world and how worthy you are of you, but sometimes it is nice to have someone open the door. No, I do not mean someone to literally open the door, I am speaking metaphorically. (Just in case you did not know). I mean if you like having someone open the door for you, do you boo haha

Everyone who knows me knows I love makeup. I have an addiction. I work at a makeup store, which equals my paycheck going to makeup. I mean I am doing research for my customers right? Maybe it just sounds better when I put it like that. I am bringing up makeup because a beauty vlogger who I love on YouTube (KathleenLights) brought up self worth on her snapchat story yesterday, and let me tell you I had a revelation. Boys should never define your worth, it is that simple. Kathleen talked about how (in high school) she used to think boys were so complicated and of course guys think girls are complicated. This is a common belief, not just in high school. But she came to the realization that it is not true, at first I questioned her. I continued to listen and it made complete sense. If someone truly likes you, or if you like someone, things are never complicated or confusing. Someone will go the extra mile for you! I promise you. Just give it all time, waiting is key.

It is funny how some of define our worth based on men. I am currently in a class that is about feminist theories and it is so interesting. There’s a few guys in that class which really make it quite intriguing.

Self worth is something I believe is not something just women struggle with. As a society we all base our worth for someone based on weight, looks, how much money we make, etc. It is ridiculous. None of those things define who you are and they should not. If someone judges you based on those characteristics they have something they are battling with within themselves. If that makes sense. Obviously, you just need to look out for those people and stay away.

Something I struggle with everyday is body confidence, it is just something anyone can struggle with. When you have been bullied by boys in your youth for how you look, it really screws with your mind. Up until I started dating, I never understood how someone could love me, or accept me for who I am. But what I did not realize was the fact that I had never been myself around people. I was hiding so I could not get hurt over and over. I still struggle with being myself but it is okay. I have been more myself recently than I have in years. I don’t know if it’s from doing some early “spring cleaning” in my life or if it’s due to that spark I was talking about. Just stop over analyzing certain situations in your life, it eliminates confusion and negativity. Of course, I struggle to take my own advice at times, but that’s life right? Someone who sees you will not judge your appearance, only the appearance of what is on the inside. Let me tell you this is true. I know it is.

All of the guys that have come and gone in your life served a purpose. It leads you to finally see how worthy you are of so much happiness, joy, and love. I don’t necessarily mean to have those things come from someone else, they can come from yourself. You have to love yourself.

I think that I could go on and on about this topic, but I don’t want to keep you all reading forever. I guess I sort of talked about self worth and accepting positivity and love into your life. I thought it was something great to touch upon because Valentine’s Day is approaching. I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine’s Day loving yourself, family, or your significant other. We all deserve to have a lovely day.

I will catch up with you all again soon!

XOXO

~NewBeautyGuru~

 

Bad Friendships

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of “Friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are always there”. But what happens when the star that symbolizes a friendship fades away?

Before I get going with the purpose of this post, I just wanted to ask you all how you are doing? I hope you are having an absolutely lovely day. I on the other hand have freezing rain outside my window, well not just my window, but let’s just say it’s gloomy and I want to go take a nap. That is actually a pretty good idea, I think I am going to take a nap after I write this, is that okay with you all? Haha  I can only ever take naps when it is cold and gloomy out, I do not know what it is, but I know I am probably not the only one who feels this way.

When a friendship starts loosing its spark, it is hard to accept. One person (in the friendship) may notice slight differences in how you both communicate, or the lack of effort one or both of you have in keeping the friendship intact. I wanted to bring this subject up because I have had to make a decision to keep certain people out of my life recently; whom I once thought brought me so much joy and happiness into my life. But I took a step back and saw the kind of person I was becoming. I did not recognize myself anymore. I was letting someone take advantage of me and I hardly realized it. I was letting the people who I was surrounded by influence my morals and what I really valued in life. This was TOXIC!

I do not know if any of you know that I am Christian. Now I know there has been a lot of negativity in the media highlighting some “Christians” and what they have been doing and what they believe. But first and foremost I do not want to force a relationship with God down your throat. Yes I will always speak about the good he has done in my life, but it is within reason. And that does not make me any less Christian for not going and preaching to people all the time. I get the feeling that Christian people have a bad reputation, but let me just say, NO ONE is the SAME. I treat everyone equally and a lot of Christians do, it is just the so called “bad one’s” we hear about. I bring this up because I had friends who did not respect the choices I was making because I want to be the best person I can be in the eyes of my God. It was hurting me because I had respected the questionable choices they had made, but when it was time for them to show the same respect, I got bashed and made fun of. What kind of friends are those, if you could even call them that? The point that I am trying to make is that do not keep people in your life that don’t respect your values. It is that simple, you do not need that in your life.

Sure the friendships I had did have their sparkle at most times, but when it goes out, it is out for good. What I mean by that is there were great memories that we made and they will never be forgotten. I do not wish my worst thoughts on them because what is the use? Sometimes people grow apart and you just can’t do anything to fix it.

I truly felt alone in these friendships a lot recently and up to the ending of the friendship. There were people who sort of came in and replaced me which is okay now since the friendship is gone. I am all for having a lot of friends, but how many can you say are your best friends? I hope my ex best friend realizes that I do not wish the worst thoughts on her, we had great times, and that our friendship was something really special. We both made mistakes, some more than others, but it is in the past. I hope you are able to live out your dreams, and live it out with people who are better suited for who you are, and where you are going.

I want you ALL to look into your life and make sure you have people in your life who make you better, lift you up, support you in school, and are overall the light to your smiles. As cheesy as it sounds your friends should light you up like the stars you are.

I am sorry that I have not been writing much, I have switched jobs, and university is crazy. I love you ALL, and I will see you when I see you

Stay beautiful!

XOXO NewBeautyGuru

Let’s Talk About Shoes Baby!

(Yes my title did have some Pitch Perfect inspiration behind it, it is totes aca perfect!)

I’ve had a splendid, absolutely marvelous, darling idea today. I’m going to talk about every girl’s best friend, besides diamonds, shoes! The right pair of shoes as we know it can make or break a look. I don’t know about you, but I rather be making looks than breaking them. It’s no secret that gladiator sandals are on fleek this summer…yes I used a word that I normally think is so silly, but yolo! Haha. I personally am such a fan of this trend. These shoes are so easy to pair with everything and you don’t always have to opt for the normal heel with an outfit. Heels look cute, but I hate wearing them. So sue me! I like to be comfortable and that’s my motto I live by. Trendy and fashionable meets comfort. I do also love how there is not only one kind of gladiator shoe, there really is something for everyone. You do not even have to do the full gladiator, you could just do the up to the ankle one. Let’s take a look:

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This look is from JustFab and these are just so fabulous. It really gives a certain je ne sais quoi to a clean and simple look. These shoes are available at JustFab for $39.95 and are called “Marcelino”. I’d go buy them if I were you.

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Then for the bold and eccentric we have the “Lennon”. There’s not much to say about these beauties other than, “Where do I swipe my card?” These are priced at JustFab for $44.95.

Now here is some more inspiration for outfit pairings: (I do not take any credit)

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Vanessa looking fierce as always. Are we taking a time machine back to the 70s yet?

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I am in love with this look, I would wear this on the daily. So simple, sleek, and chic! If you are looking to buy something like the dress featured I would check out my favorite store American Eagle. I will provide a link to a dress that is almost like the one above, but search through their site. It is so addicting. Love Love Love!

http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product_details.jsp?productId=1643_1228_001&catId=cat6920031

Ciao Darlings!

~NewBeautyGuru xoxo

Playlist:

Late Night Nonsense~The Start of Something New!

So I’m laying in bed with nothing to do on a wednesday night, which is now an early thursday and I have this sudden urge to write. But I want to start this new addition to my blog called, “Late Night Nonsense.” Every thursday or friday night, I want to designate a time where I can talk to you guys, who are still out there, about anything and everything. The nights might vary due to my work schedule, but it’s summer and I am going to make some time.

My school year has been quite crazy and it was hard keeping a balance between work, schoolwork, and my social life. I’m not gonna lie, my social life came first most of the time, but I really need to change that for next semester. I haven’t been living up to my full potential lately, is anyone with me? My mind has been all over the place lately and I just can’t seem to figure out what my calling in life is. I really am questioning everything I’m doing. I am hating all of my English classes I’ve been taking and I sadly came to terms with the fact that I am not meant to be an English major anymore. Now I have this urge to want to work for the CIA. I know right! NewBeautyGuru meets agent! Haha no, but I want to try and pursue international relations/political science. I took a political science class my first semester and strangely liked it. I’m not so into politics and maybe it was the teacher who made the class enjoyable, but why not give it a shot? I am in college, a time when I am supposed to be free to experiment. I just hate going to my advisor and telling him all of these changes I want to make because I change my mind so often.

Last night I was talking with my mother and I had gotten a text from one of my friends who needed advice. My mom quickly told me that my true calling is counseling. At first I laughed, but then I realized I am pretty great at giving advice even if the other person does not want to hear it at the time. And then I realized again that I hate psychology with a passion, and I need to stop dating psych majors. Seriously! Every guy I have been on a date with has been a psych major, do I have a sign on my back saying “All psychology majors come date me!?” I don’t think so, and it has not been working for me either. At this point, I am done with guys and need to focus on bettering myself. Guys will always be around weither we want them around or not.

Why is figuring out one’s path so difficult? I wish there was a book that outlined everyone’s futures to give us all some relief from stressing out over everything. At this point in my life I am unsure of every little thing, which bothers me so much. I have always been so sure of myself and it’s all been blown to pieces. At least I know I am not the only one who feels this way and I just have to have faith that it will all work out. God has a plan, I have to sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

What else do I do when I am just laying in bed? It’s only fitting that I am listening to some get up and dance in your underwear kind of music! I’ll link my favorite songs, that may or may not get me out of my bed and make me dance shamefully to it in my pj’s below. But you guys didn’t need to know all of that, I’ll just give you the music.

You are going to want to listen to all of those songs, my favorites are 1,3, and 4.

Goodnight Loves!

~NewBeautyGuru  xoxo

That’s So 2014!

It’s hard to believe that 2014 is over and 2015 is ready for some great, new, and exciting memories. 2014 was a particularly hard year to get over because so many great things happened in my life. I graduated high school, started college, and made such great and new friends who I know are my soul sisters. I’m currently watching Sex and the City, and I honestly can see that great friendship with all of my girls. You know who you all are! I can’t help but wonder if 2015 is going to be as amazing as 2014, but I’m not going to dwell on the past. I’m going to make 2015 as great as it can be, who’s with me!?

Lately, I have not had an inspiring things to write about because I really needed to evaluate if I wanted to pursue writing still. I was at a point where I wanted to just give up, but writing has always been my second love. I could not see my life without pursuing my dream and if it does not work out, I’ll be happy that I even tried. But, I am getting way too far ahead in planning out my life. I guess it’s the woman in me. Why is it that women always have to be such planners? But then again, if women were not planners, what would the world look like? I do not even want to visualize it lol.

I hate that I hardy even update this blog anymore, I know I let a lot of people down, and I honestly do not like to make excuses. I am currently writing this on my vacation because my readers, you, deserve it. I honestly am so grateful that people even read my blog. I never could have imagined that I would have more than a couple readers, which would probably be my friends, in which I would force them to read it haha. But I wouldn’t be NewBeautyGuru if I did not leave you guessing where I went lol. I also think it is good to get out and enjoy life and not be stuck looking at a computer screen for long periods of time. I have been trying to disconnect with the digital world for a little bit and it is nice for a while. But of course I will never fully disconnect. I mean, who could?

So enough with the updates and on to what I think I do best haha. The Golden Globes were on this past Sunday and I was totally checking out everyone from head to toe. I mean the Golden Globes are honestly best when it is just about the fashion, let’s be real lol. So let’s take a look at my top 3 favorite fashions of the night!

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Gina Rodriguez. I am so proud of this girl right here. She is the star of one of my favorite TheCW shows, Jane The Virgin, and she won a Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series. Most people do not get it right on the red carpet, but I just love this simple black look. I would gravitate for something like this myself.

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Does Emma Stone get it wrong ever? Some might say this is too simple of a look, but it is still so elegant and beautiful. I would wear this in a heartbeat. Why should women never be comfortable on the red carpet? This is just amaze-ball-azing!!

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Kate Hudson honestly just takes my breath away. I mean how hot, sleek, elegant, and confident does she look? Just perfection!

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Now Melissa McCarthy does not make my best dressed list, but I just need to really congratulate her! I mean I am so proud of her amazing weight loss! I would love her funny self either way, but how much more confident does she look in herself? For me, as long as you love yourself, there’s no one who will ever bring you down because you are freakin’ awesome. One can change the outside appearance as much as they want, but what makes you, you, will never change. We love you Melissa! What an inspiration.

I’m ready to make 2015 another year to remember. Here’s to taking chances, falling in love, surrounding ourselves with amazing people, and maybe hitting the gym! (If you’re into that of course haha). But let it be known, I love you and everyone just the way they are. I hope I did not offend anyone at all in this post. So let’s raise a glass to 2015 and make 2014 jealous! Soon we’ll be saying “That was so 2014!”

Kisses,

NewBeautyGuru

                      xoxo

Decided to do something a little different.

I know that my blog is supposed to be about fashion and what music I’m listening to, but today I am going to change things up. Someone recently asked me to write something for them and I think it came out pretty good. It’s a little deep at first, but I think it has a good meaning behind it. It shows a little more of my creative side, so I thought I would share it with you all. Warning: It’s kind of girly, but then again a women wrote it lol. I know there are probably some grammatical mistakes, so please be gentle and kind. I am opening up to you all so please take that into consideration. In the end I will also share some music on my playlist!

“She is nothing more than crimson red hands that leave marks on her wrists

Or the same hands that leave imprints like battle wounds

Those battle wounds in which gush out what is left of her soul

Slaughtered like some sort of animal.

 

She is nothing more than red hands that slap across her pale, white face

With nothing to be seen then the red fingerprints that linger on her face

Like a branding of some unusual creature.

 

She is the woman you see in the store who always wears a smile on her face

She is the girl who never gives up because she believes in the virtue of every human

She is the woman who gives more than she should

She is a girl who is lost and stuck.

 

He was once the star quarterback who had a promising future

He is the guy who looses his temper

He was the boy who lost it all

He is the guy who sits on the couch doing nothing but living on the elixir of whiskey

He was the guy who said he knew how to treat a woman

He is the guy who looses control for the fear of no control

He is the guy who blames her for everything he has ever lost and what he will loose

His red hands of hate now only define who he will ever be.

 

She looks out the mirror of a house that feels more like a prison

Through the darkness she is still able to see the beauty of life

The moonlight illuminates the night, the stars twinkle, and the crickets sing a

Melodic tune that make it a midsummer dream, whisking her off to another whimsical land.

Through the midst of the woods and the glimmer of the moon, she sees the most striking creature.

“Is that a nightingale?” she asks herself.

She has never seen one in real life; she has only heard that their singing is one of the most glorious sounds one can hear.

She is amazed that this little creature has come upon her windowsill, and started

Singing a melodic tune, that transports her anywhere from where she is.

She needed this nightingale; she needed to remind herself that she could no longer be a victim.

With a twinkle of a star, she packed her bags and sneaked out the door by the very tips of her toes.

Her nightingale was her sanity, her new home, and with the help of her new friend she flew away from the lions nest.

With the moon as her protector and the stars as her guide, she never looked back.”

-NewBeautyGuru

My favorite Band ever: The 1975 (I would literally post every song up if I could haha)

Image Credit: impfashion.com

NYFW Diane von Fürstenburg (Recap)

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Formerly Princess Diane of Fürstenburg, the Belgian born designer is known for the iconic wrap dress. For me, she is known for having some seriously killer style! Her Spring 2015 collection is inspired by the 1950’s French Rivera, which is represented as cheerful and yet simple. I never really enjoy much of runway fashion because it is not practical to wear for the everyday woman, and let’s face it, there are some pretty crazy pieces of clothes out there. (Don’t forget to check out her new show on E! ) I always try to break the looks down and see if  part of the outfit would work in an everyday look. So I will attach the pieces of clothing that seems most practical. So keep an open mind and let your creativity flow. Enjoy!

Au Revoir,

NewBeautyGuru

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80’s Throwback

If anyone knows me they know I love the 80’s. (Well almost everyone knows). This post was supposed to be published a while ago, but of course it did not happen. Sorry! I wanted to do this post because I was watching a movie called Just One of the Guys, and I had my next inspiration. I mean, what’s not to love about the 80’s?

If you did not already know 80’s fashion has made quite a comeback in today’s fashion. When someone walks down the street you can pinpoint it. Is it safe to say the 80’s are back? Not quite. It will probably never be the 80’s again, but we can try to make it even better. Enough of this chit chat, let’s move on to the fashion.

 

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Can you smell the 80’s yet? The jean jacket with the studs is 80’s enough, but it does not stop there. Leather shorts and a cool t-shirt…Just take me back already. With fall coming up this could also be a good transition piece. Swap out the leather shorts for leather pants.

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I am sure we all have seen this during the summer. Did you think it was 80’s fashion? Well, it was. High waisted jean shorts were definitely in this summer, and with a simple unused shirt to tie around as a belt, you were tapping into your inner 80’s.

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This is one of my favorite looks, and Cher Lloyd pulls it off with so much edge and grace. I love her little British self! If you did not see the 80’s in her hair, earrings, jacket, shirt, necklace, pants, and bandana, you are blind. Point. Blank. Period. This is also another piece that can transition into the fall, just add more layers as needed. Any of these looks could be easily transitioned into the fall.

 

Anyone miss Saved By the Bell? I know it isn’t really considered 80’s but I miss it.

 

 

Who wants to know what I’ve been listening to?

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDdjwpPM3Y

Country Lovin’

There’s nothing that I love more than a good country concert. It let’s me know that summer is officially here. If you have never been to a country concert,  have you been living under a rock? The atmosphere is just indescribable. Parking lots are full of tailgaters cooking, drinking, and having an incredible time. For most the drinking gets out of hand, but who doesn’t find enjoyment laughing at the drunk guy who can’t produce a single sentence without slurring his words. IDK I just find drunk people at concerts so hilarious. But I have to say out of all the concerts I’ve been to, the people are so much nicer at country concerts. Maybe it’s the alcohol consuming them, but it doesn’t matter, everyone like enjoyable and nice people right?

I’ve been to countless concerts, but unfortunately this year I will probably not be attending any 😦 If only concerts didn’t cost money. The best concerts I’ve been to were probably the ones where I had the best seats and got to meet the performers. I’ve met Drake White (upcoming country artist), Kip Moore, touched hands with Brad Paisley! I was in the sixth row of the Demi Lavato concert with Little Mix and Fifth Harmony and I met Collins Key, what a great and tall guy! Well enough of my bragging 🙂

I think more people need to appreciate country music and stop listening to all that rap! (No offense). But seriously go out and try new things you will not regret it! I will leave you with two country songs that I currently love and have loved I have seen one of these guys in concert where he was amazing. (Chris Young).

Love,

NewBeautyGuru